Familiar Things

This post is purposely vague. The details aren't important, its the frame of mind that is. Resolution isn't something this post is for. This is here just for expression.

I just returned from one of my drive arounds. Why? Let's just say that I needed to get away. I needed my refuge. Like I said in a previous post, driving around at night while listening to the radio is my form of yoga and therapy rolled into one.

So there I was, getting my car dirtier and contributing my monthly quota of air pollution, zoning out on the road. I was aware enough to drive safely, and conscious of the time as the first rays of the sun began peeking over the horizon (holy crap! what a cliche) but not enough to notice the details: where I was, where I was going and what exactly was playing on the radio. Its kinda zen, that's kinda not.

Perhaps its because I haven't done it for sometime that I became aware of the little things: the feel of the steering wheel, the unbalanced speaker system I never got around to replace, the exposed metal part of the accelerator that I am sure I need to replace, and all the other little things that when put together make up an "eveningdrive". It was strange that eased into familiar. It was one of those things that makes a sad thing easier to deal with, and I really needed that last night.

So why then should I harp on the things that other people find familiar in their lives, just because they have no room in mine? Ugh! What an ugly question. But there it is, and people's ability to face and answer these questions I have always found admirable. Of course, that being the case, said admiration in no way provides me with any help when I am then confronted with similar issues.

Bottomline: I can be such a selfish prick. But then again, is it a crime to know what I want, and want it?

Bleh! What a crap funk to be in.

Hey... now that's something familiar.